feeling sad

for things i've lost, things i've missed, things i never did..

for the people i'd left behind, for the people who've left me behind, for those i never cherished, and those who never cherished..

for whats passed, as they will never return, for whats to come and the mistakes i'll make that turn the future to regret, again and again..

I'm blind with excellent hindsight to remind myself of my blindness..

to let me regret, always.

When a blind man cries - Deep Purple

If you're leaving, close the door.
I'm not expecting people anymore.
Hear me grieving, I'm lying on the floor.
Whether I'm drunk or dead I really ain't too sure.

I'm a blind man, I'm a blind man and my world is pale.
When a blind man cries,
Lord, you know there ain't no sadder tale.

Had a friend once in a room,
Had a good time but it ended much too soon.
In a cold month in that room
We found a reason for the things we had to do.

I''m a blind man, I'm a blind man, now my room is cold.
When a blind man cries,
Lord, you know he feels it from his soul...

I'm feeling sad.

this is damn drawn out

Like holy shit, talk about a long long long long long exam, i'm so damn bored that to keep myself going i have to reward myself every couple of hours with 1 over hour of monster hunter. thats like 3hours odd wasted. But at least it keeps me from burning out, to some extent. Or maybe i've already burnt out, considering how i'm actually playing my frickn psp.

Anyhow my psp is great. lol. it gives me music when i'm working and pleasure when i'm not. I think i'm rambling quite incoherently, its late and tomorrow afternoons physics paper 2 and damnit i hate it when i dont get to choose questions, sekali something i dono come out. ok byebye. study hard year 2s, play hard year 1s.

i dream i die

Its some masochistic perversion my brain has perhaps, to let me think up new ways to die. And since i tend to wake 3 or 4 times a night that means theres 4 to 5 chances every night huh. Ok thats pretty morbid, but it quite explains why i don't like movies like final destination, unreal but in dreamland your mind tells you everything is logical, because your mind makes that dream.

But i have not dreamt of death for a few days, instead i get weird dreams. Before yesterday's Chemistry paper, i dreamt i woke at 1pm and realised i was screwed. Today i had that dream of waiting again, just not by the stream.

I was a boy sitting in a thousand lane highway with a basket of roses. Millions of cars pass me while i stand there, some toss me coins, some throw me roses, some water my roses. And every so often a rose truck comes and i buy more roses. The cars experience no jams or crashes, like the flow of time they move on for infinity. So i stand for a car amidst the horde, i stand to give it roses as it passes me. And then it passes, and again i wait for the coins and the roses and the rose truck, and the car. I stand there with the monotony, as endless, colourless blur of vehicles whizz by me, for infinity i stand, for infinity i give and wait, till infinity.

And then i woke. No sudden change/death that usually wakes me. It was just...awaking. Yet the feeling is like sinking, where struggling and pulling do not bring you up, you just sink.

Later maths paper 2. Good luck all J2s!!! =D