silent screams
Jastine had a recurrence, his lung deflated or something again whilst he was walking around in maths lecture. Though he is in no current danger, hes due for surgery in about 2 weeks, to lower the risk of it happening again. Go for it, good luck man.
Thats another blow we've got, if they had called an ambulance it'd be the fourth time already. A life threatening case, too. We're now two people sitting in the same boat rocking around, screaming out at the endless sea of hopes and dreams and loves and wishes, listening to the screams fade to nothingness. Broken dreams and shattered hopes are all i can think of now. Both of us face a wall that we can climb and risk everything, or ignore. I feel the climbs worth it, but the world doesn't, the suspension speaks for itself, the attitude tells you even more. It ain't fair, as much as we can wish and dream and ask why this happened to us, its already happened, we can't change anything.
Despite all these we have our lives, at least. While i face being partially blind (of which i think is gonna be the case..) and while he lives wondering if his lung will hold, at least we have lives to risk. At least there are people who are going to ask us how we are, people who will mock us for it, people who will shun and pity and emphasize and care and worry about us. At least we have a future of some kind.
I'm not sure why, but looking at my msn list i see classmates of Ruihua online. I can't help but wonder what i'd feel if a classmate just unexpectedly disappeared. If someone i know, whom i saw everyday and talked to and laughed with just, passed away. What would i do, how would i feel? How would i cope with the loss? It isn't some game where you can just "restart", it isn't as if the persons emigrated or changed school. It won't just be the physical loss thats shocking. The voice, the face, the bag, the hair, the shoes, everything will be gone, never to be seen again in the flesh.
Once, a family friend passed away. He was a jovial indian man who often sat around the house watching Bollywood movies. I remember it like it was yesterday, how we'd watch movies together even though i had no clue what was going on, how he'd make me eat veggies, how he'd tell me not to jump on the bed. Then one day he had a heart attack while holidaying with my godmother. And that was it, he never came back. I never saw him again, never heard him say "must eat your veggies" or "arsenal will take them down!" or "look at that lovely dance", i'd never get to pat his belly or play with his beard again. It was shocking how all these things i'd done regularly and almost unconsciously were about to be my fondest memories of the man. I'd woken up one day expecting to see him but was instead met with the choking news that he was gone. A Void i had never experienced before appeared, it was like his passing left a hole in me i could not find, could never close even if i did. After all, death is eternal. I could not even cry. I just had fever for the next week. I - we - love and remember you Uncle Arun, you and your Veggies, Arsenal and Bollywood.
We live our lives counting the time by years and months and days while the arc of existence stretches forward and backward infinitely. Our lives seem so insignificant in the multiverse of endless possibilities yet we treasure each other so, so much. It is the bonds we make, the secrets and feelings and thoughts and time we share that gives each of us significance, that makes each of us substantial. Nothing can be remembered forever, after a million, billion, trillion years everything that happened before will disappear, will be forgotten and lost. So what counts is that in our short, insignificant scuttlings we make a difference to the people around us. That we exist through the people we love and they through us is what makes our lives worth living, no matter how long or short. As long as you care for someone, you'd be giving that person one more piece of meaning and existence that lets them live their lives with happiness and pride and confidence.
You'd be giving your own life meaning and worth.
Seize the day, they say. Live for the moment, they say. Live like theres no tomorrow, they say.
I say, just care.
life from others
Thats another blow we've got, if they had called an ambulance it'd be the fourth time already. A life threatening case, too. We're now two people sitting in the same boat rocking around, screaming out at the endless sea of hopes and dreams and loves and wishes, listening to the screams fade to nothingness. Broken dreams and shattered hopes are all i can think of now. Both of us face a wall that we can climb and risk everything, or ignore. I feel the climbs worth it, but the world doesn't, the suspension speaks for itself, the attitude tells you even more. It ain't fair, as much as we can wish and dream and ask why this happened to us, its already happened, we can't change anything.
Despite all these we have our lives, at least. While i face being partially blind (of which i think is gonna be the case..) and while he lives wondering if his lung will hold, at least we have lives to risk. At least there are people who are going to ask us how we are, people who will mock us for it, people who will shun and pity and emphasize and care and worry about us. At least we have a future of some kind.
I'm not sure why, but looking at my msn list i see classmates of Ruihua online. I can't help but wonder what i'd feel if a classmate just unexpectedly disappeared. If someone i know, whom i saw everyday and talked to and laughed with just, passed away. What would i do, how would i feel? How would i cope with the loss? It isn't some game where you can just "restart", it isn't as if the persons emigrated or changed school. It won't just be the physical loss thats shocking. The voice, the face, the bag, the hair, the shoes, everything will be gone, never to be seen again in the flesh.
Once, a family friend passed away. He was a jovial indian man who often sat around the house watching Bollywood movies. I remember it like it was yesterday, how we'd watch movies together even though i had no clue what was going on, how he'd make me eat veggies, how he'd tell me not to jump on the bed. Then one day he had a heart attack while holidaying with my godmother. And that was it, he never came back. I never saw him again, never heard him say "must eat your veggies" or "arsenal will take them down!" or "look at that lovely dance", i'd never get to pat his belly or play with his beard again. It was shocking how all these things i'd done regularly and almost unconsciously were about to be my fondest memories of the man. I'd woken up one day expecting to see him but was instead met with the choking news that he was gone. A Void i had never experienced before appeared, it was like his passing left a hole in me i could not find, could never close even if i did. After all, death is eternal. I could not even cry. I just had fever for the next week. I - we - love and remember you Uncle Arun, you and your Veggies, Arsenal and Bollywood.
We live our lives counting the time by years and months and days while the arc of existence stretches forward and backward infinitely. Our lives seem so insignificant in the multiverse of endless possibilities yet we treasure each other so, so much. It is the bonds we make, the secrets and feelings and thoughts and time we share that gives each of us significance, that makes each of us substantial. Nothing can be remembered forever, after a million, billion, trillion years everything that happened before will disappear, will be forgotten and lost. So what counts is that in our short, insignificant scuttlings we make a difference to the people around us. That we exist through the people we love and they through us is what makes our lives worth living, no matter how long or short. As long as you care for someone, you'd be giving that person one more piece of meaning and existence that lets them live their lives with happiness and pride and confidence.
You'd be giving your own life meaning and worth.
Seize the day, they say. Live for the moment, they say. Live like theres no tomorrow, they say.
I say, just care.
life from others
posted by slipperdan at 5:31 PM
1 Comments:
can i just say... that was awesome. enthralling even. i loved it :)
Post a Comment
<< Home