a tour to damnation
Today (well actually yesterday considering the time) was a bad day. It started with me spilling coffee all over my pants, which was actually not too bad considering the colour kind of blends in. However it only went downhill from there, i warn that this will probably be a long, aggressive, expletive-filled post so if that doesn't fill your bowl, find another cereal box.
I must say that i am quite confused at my own actions at times. I know there are people who dislike me for some reason or another, probably they can't get over a certain offense i commited against them, or maybe they just don't like my attitude. Yet when you are injured and down i still care, i honestly wished you a speedy recovery, a quick return to your training, safety and success - even though i knew you wouldn't appreciate it one bit. After all at least you had the courtesy to pretend to be grateful to smile and joke and talk to me, keeping up some pretense of friendship of some kind. I do not even mind that you talk shit about me behind my back, that you cut me down whenever i turn my back, thinking me a fool.
When you start talking fucking nonsense about my friend though, i can't forgive that. It doesn't matter that you hate me, that you want to screw me up and torment me, i can ignore you for you are nothing more than a childish fool. But when you utilise the influence that you know you possess to mislead others and spin stories to them in all seriousness and the air of professionalism such that they believe your words and follow your views, merely to push an inexistent blame away from an institution you clamp onto, I cannot help but feel angry. I was pissed beyond belief and at that moment i wanted to simply rip your jaw off with a simple downward whipping action.
You sit with the impression that you can't be affected, you portray an image of untouchability, of coolness and yet deep inside you know it is only due to your insecurities, your failures and your guilt. You hide your true face behind a mask of lies so intricate that you are probably lost in its midst, lying to yourself unknowingly. Your words cannot be trusted, your motives left unknown, like an enigma you pass life as though you were detached, from another plane yet i know, i see when you are agitated, when you fear and panic and get annoyed.
Perhaps you are reading this post, most likely you might know its you and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. I know how you like to malign me and i now encourage you to continue, it leaves true friends behind. In the past i chose a policy of ignoring your taunts, your mockery like a clueless fool but now i've seen enough shit from you. You went a line too far and now i'll fuck your life up. I know your dreams i know how fragile they are and i know the many many ways they can crumble up.
Oh i will ruin you, i'll make you despair and tear your eyes out in futility, asking, screaming for an answer to why, to who did this to you. And i will be there to comfort you with jagged smiles, to pat your head with taloned hands, to support you and bring you back up to your feet just so i can fucking break them one more time and see you descend into oblivion. It may take days, weeks, years, even decades before you and all that you cherish withers in decay but it will not be even a days distraction, much less my life goal, to screw your miserable dreamworld up. You aren't even worth the effort, instead subconsciously all my words will become laced with elements to lead to your destruction. Oh i won't touch a single hair on you, i'll let you rip the bloody follicles out yourself. Coming are events that give great chances for you to fuck up your own life, and i will be sitting by the sidelines waiting in anticipation for you to trip while running, to fall when jumping, to end your dreams in one fell swoop.
As if it weren't enough another fool decided to come and weave the straw that broke the camels back. Oh yes you young boy, you who believes you are of a different level from the rest of us. You look with slitted eyes at the masses and consider yourself above us, you see your own achievements as greater than ours even if they are exactly the same. You move with the flow to suck up and leech off the best, just like a friend collector you move around with the same motives except that you are merely a better liar. Probably people have told you that you'd make a good politician and now i tell you that you will, just that by the end of the career half your ex-colleagues will have you in their blacklists for a painful end.
You undermine me and belittle me with impunity once i lost my usefulness, whatever it ever was, to you. You snobbishly believe you are utterly superior to me, you foolishly create misconceptions about me, filling in blanks about me with egoistical stories of your own creation to boost your own confidence. Such actions only show how pathetic your mind is and how easily it could be twisted towards self-destruction. You are another who would probably be here reading but unlike the above, you would probably brush this off, you would staunchly believe that stupid little daniel would always remain foolishly accepting of your petty insults and callous comments - you would arrogantly refuse to beilieve you aren't adored. I tell you now though, daniel isn't as clueless as he seems, he isn't the boy who stares with blind eyes at you. I know much more about you and anyone than you'd ever believe and in my knowledge i see how your transparent, simple little mind works.
Your dreams are malleable and easy to decimate. Your goals are simple to destroy. I look upon you with contempt and it will not be difficult to screw you over with merely words. Haiwei said "keep your words can be sharp but your actions blunt", oh my actions willl be blunt indeed, but only so i can cut you more before you lose hope and throw your life away.
Reading this people will probably think that i'm ranting, that i'm some kid with stupid ambitions and foolish ideas, honestly i don't give two fucks anymore. However I say now that i am deadly serious about fucking both their worthless lives up as best as i can, as long as i can.
Insensitive bastards are the people i hate most and like exhibits you two fit nicely into its two subcategories.
Also, the girls team lost to hwachong 2-1. The announcement of the results on monday will certainly be sad and up till now i'm not sure what we should've said to the girls team, how we should've reacted. But anyhow it was a good fight girls, you haven't lost your chance at the championship and most importantly, you have your friends whom you've played with for four going on six years, and that alone is worth more than any victory you can grab, so be thankful for it and play on.
So this sad event further dampened my mood to the point where agitation and irritation were practically spilling off me. I'm sorry david, james and whoever else, i was screwy and fucky and totally bastard, but its just a bad day and i'll be back to normal on monday.
At least the DOTA provided a small avenue of relief from the anger, but after it all ended all the rage, hatred, sorrow and pain rushed back like a massive hangover to make my heart scream with renewed vigour for vengeance and justice again.
I've simmered down after time and blogging, the ear-burning, fist-clenching rage has passed and all that i'm left with is bitter resolve.
actions aren't needed when your words cut deepest
I must say that i am quite confused at my own actions at times. I know there are people who dislike me for some reason or another, probably they can't get over a certain offense i commited against them, or maybe they just don't like my attitude. Yet when you are injured and down i still care, i honestly wished you a speedy recovery, a quick return to your training, safety and success - even though i knew you wouldn't appreciate it one bit. After all at least you had the courtesy to pretend to be grateful to smile and joke and talk to me, keeping up some pretense of friendship of some kind. I do not even mind that you talk shit about me behind my back, that you cut me down whenever i turn my back, thinking me a fool.
When you start talking fucking nonsense about my friend though, i can't forgive that. It doesn't matter that you hate me, that you want to screw me up and torment me, i can ignore you for you are nothing more than a childish fool. But when you utilise the influence that you know you possess to mislead others and spin stories to them in all seriousness and the air of professionalism such that they believe your words and follow your views, merely to push an inexistent blame away from an institution you clamp onto, I cannot help but feel angry. I was pissed beyond belief and at that moment i wanted to simply rip your jaw off with a simple downward whipping action.
You sit with the impression that you can't be affected, you portray an image of untouchability, of coolness and yet deep inside you know it is only due to your insecurities, your failures and your guilt. You hide your true face behind a mask of lies so intricate that you are probably lost in its midst, lying to yourself unknowingly. Your words cannot be trusted, your motives left unknown, like an enigma you pass life as though you were detached, from another plane yet i know, i see when you are agitated, when you fear and panic and get annoyed.
Perhaps you are reading this post, most likely you might know its you and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. I know how you like to malign me and i now encourage you to continue, it leaves true friends behind. In the past i chose a policy of ignoring your taunts, your mockery like a clueless fool but now i've seen enough shit from you. You went a line too far and now i'll fuck your life up. I know your dreams i know how fragile they are and i know the many many ways they can crumble up.
Oh i will ruin you, i'll make you despair and tear your eyes out in futility, asking, screaming for an answer to why, to who did this to you. And i will be there to comfort you with jagged smiles, to pat your head with taloned hands, to support you and bring you back up to your feet just so i can fucking break them one more time and see you descend into oblivion. It may take days, weeks, years, even decades before you and all that you cherish withers in decay but it will not be even a days distraction, much less my life goal, to screw your miserable dreamworld up. You aren't even worth the effort, instead subconsciously all my words will become laced with elements to lead to your destruction. Oh i won't touch a single hair on you, i'll let you rip the bloody follicles out yourself. Coming are events that give great chances for you to fuck up your own life, and i will be sitting by the sidelines waiting in anticipation for you to trip while running, to fall when jumping, to end your dreams in one fell swoop.
As if it weren't enough another fool decided to come and weave the straw that broke the camels back. Oh yes you young boy, you who believes you are of a different level from the rest of us. You look with slitted eyes at the masses and consider yourself above us, you see your own achievements as greater than ours even if they are exactly the same. You move with the flow to suck up and leech off the best, just like a friend collector you move around with the same motives except that you are merely a better liar. Probably people have told you that you'd make a good politician and now i tell you that you will, just that by the end of the career half your ex-colleagues will have you in their blacklists for a painful end.
You undermine me and belittle me with impunity once i lost my usefulness, whatever it ever was, to you. You snobbishly believe you are utterly superior to me, you foolishly create misconceptions about me, filling in blanks about me with egoistical stories of your own creation to boost your own confidence. Such actions only show how pathetic your mind is and how easily it could be twisted towards self-destruction. You are another who would probably be here reading but unlike the above, you would probably brush this off, you would staunchly believe that stupid little daniel would always remain foolishly accepting of your petty insults and callous comments - you would arrogantly refuse to beilieve you aren't adored. I tell you now though, daniel isn't as clueless as he seems, he isn't the boy who stares with blind eyes at you. I know much more about you and anyone than you'd ever believe and in my knowledge i see how your transparent, simple little mind works.
Your dreams are malleable and easy to decimate. Your goals are simple to destroy. I look upon you with contempt and it will not be difficult to screw you over with merely words. Haiwei said "keep your words can be sharp but your actions blunt", oh my actions willl be blunt indeed, but only so i can cut you more before you lose hope and throw your life away.
Reading this people will probably think that i'm ranting, that i'm some kid with stupid ambitions and foolish ideas, honestly i don't give two fucks anymore. However I say now that i am deadly serious about fucking both their worthless lives up as best as i can, as long as i can.
Insensitive bastards are the people i hate most and like exhibits you two fit nicely into its two subcategories.
Also, the girls team lost to hwachong 2-1. The announcement of the results on monday will certainly be sad and up till now i'm not sure what we should've said to the girls team, how we should've reacted. But anyhow it was a good fight girls, you haven't lost your chance at the championship and most importantly, you have your friends whom you've played with for four going on six years, and that alone is worth more than any victory you can grab, so be thankful for it and play on.
So this sad event further dampened my mood to the point where agitation and irritation were practically spilling off me. I'm sorry david, james and whoever else, i was screwy and fucky and totally bastard, but its just a bad day and i'll be back to normal on monday.
At least the DOTA provided a small avenue of relief from the anger, but after it all ended all the rage, hatred, sorrow and pain rushed back like a massive hangover to make my heart scream with renewed vigour for vengeance and justice again.
I've simmered down after time and blogging, the ear-burning, fist-clenching rage has passed and all that i'm left with is bitter resolve.
actions aren't needed when your words cut deepest
posted by slipperdan at 12:13 AM
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