forever and ever
I clench my feelings and shove them down my throat to the bottom of a bottomless pit. I hold them tight, and keep them safe behind a silvered mask. Behind the glaze of whitened eyes my churning emotions rage against their glassy prisons. The rawness of the rage, the cutting blade of hate, the ripping claws of frustration, their screaming intensity dulls the passage of life. Like a sleepwalker i watch the world drift past, the significances and occurences beat against the frosted windows of my mind and as i drag my hand out of hesitation to grasp them, they pass - the moment had passed. And i wait again in stereotypes and the comfort of conformity, the contentness of monotony, for a moment to come where i might make the same futile grasp.
I see whats happening to me, i hate it, but that hate is shoved down my throat to the bottom of a bottomless pit and i do nothing. I distrust my thoughts and i distrust my actions, i hesitate and i prod my persona. Yet prodding changes nothing, and the motive of greater action is denied for my lack of trust. My lack of trust of myself. I live within my stigmas and habits and obsessions and compulsions, i act upon them, upon what they whisper into my thoughts. Impulse and contemplation are not separate, and the purpose of deduction is lost within the current of unbridled imaginations. Rationale is washed and negligible within endless possibilities and to reach a tendril of my thoughts to that sea channels its massive waves to my miniscule mind, washing away the logic of my actions, the significance of my existence.
Thought progresses exponentially, but my mind is merely linear, i can grasp a river or two, but never the ocean, never all at once. I fail to see the greater picture, the sun behind the horizon, your needs and thoughts. I burn in regret at my failures, i cannot see the wrongs before they come, i cannot know the path to take before i'd taken it. Foresight is never reliable, while hindsight is always 20/20.
I know now my past mistakes and they burn me endlessly, yet i know not the mistakes i may make.
I see whats happening to me, i hate it, but that hate is shoved down my throat to the bottom of a bottomless pit and i do nothing. I distrust my thoughts and i distrust my actions, i hesitate and i prod my persona. Yet prodding changes nothing, and the motive of greater action is denied for my lack of trust. My lack of trust of myself. I live within my stigmas and habits and obsessions and compulsions, i act upon them, upon what they whisper into my thoughts. Impulse and contemplation are not separate, and the purpose of deduction is lost within the current of unbridled imaginations. Rationale is washed and negligible within endless possibilities and to reach a tendril of my thoughts to that sea channels its massive waves to my miniscule mind, washing away the logic of my actions, the significance of my existence.
Thought progresses exponentially, but my mind is merely linear, i can grasp a river or two, but never the ocean, never all at once. I fail to see the greater picture, the sun behind the horizon, your needs and thoughts. I burn in regret at my failures, i cannot see the wrongs before they come, i cannot know the path to take before i'd taken it. Foresight is never reliable, while hindsight is always 20/20.
I know now my past mistakes and they burn me endlessly, yet i know not the mistakes i may make.
posted by slipperdan at 9:00 PM
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