Hey you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeRZL12SFJk
This COULD be good. This MIGHT be good. But this COULD be bad, this MIGHT be bad.
I used to be full of hope, i used to rely on the what-ifs and maybes and possibly-s, I believed and believed but now i know i was just consoling myself. Sometimes, when fate plays an awful trick on you, you can't accept it until its truth smacks you in the face, knocking you flat.
Yesterday i collected my new progressive lenses. When testing the optician had already told me "This is as good as it can get". I told myself that i was merely tired, that it was a new lense and that once my new specs was made, i'd be enjoying 6/6 sight again. Our minds always hope for the best, that is the beauty of imagination - it gives you hope and possibilities to keep you going for that day, that week, that year, till you find out its all a lie. Yesterday i looked around the opticians shop, i looked at the words on a cardboard piece, on the stall opposite the road, at the assistants face, perfect. Yet once i closed my left eye, the world crumbled as the clarity simply faded to oblivion, replaced with a perpetual fuzziness that makes the world seem surreal.
Many thoughts went through my head yesterday, and even today. My life as i knew it had finally been tipped past the edge. Taking that i should not have developed cataracts till mid 50s, I have ruined 4 decades of my life. I will spend 4 decades with a eye that is uncorrected, with my 400degree astigmatism, with my new, left master eye- when i'm a right hander.
When the assistant asked me to compare my vision with what i used to have, i was stunned. I could not remember clearly the days of having two eyes to look with, of the clear 3D representation of the world so many of us - or more appropriately, you - enjoy. I guess the saying that you don't know what you have till its gone is true. When i had vision i never really appreciated the beauty of it and now that its gone, i can never ever experience it again. Makes you think about how human nature seems to lead to us getting hurt, how we always neglect whats most important, just cause we take it for granted. Or how we can take risks just because it shows our courage (human pride), or feeds our greed (greed) etc etc. Think the seven cardinal sins.
Hey you, don't you give up, its not too late, theres still a chance for us...
I'd really like to believe that one day, with medical or genetic or some other technology, my eye can be saved. The gift of our youth - hope - always shines with a glaring brightness, blocking out rationaliy and facts to create choices. Yet as strong a healer an driving force hope is, it is also the delusion of youth, since the worlds grim certainties haven't taken its toll on us, forcing our eyes away from the light of dreams into the cold dark box of reality.
Yet i believe in the innumerability and infinite nature of possibilities, of the multiverse and quanta theory. Anything is possible. Impossible is nothing.
I may truly let that sink in and be a person waiting for the light, or i may never do so, resigning myself to a life wasted by a mistake of mere centimetres that fateful day. Between delusion and despair, the imaginative me chooses the former, if only i lie well enough.
Hope is the delusion of the young, Despair is the delusion of the old.
This COULD be good. This MIGHT be good. But this COULD be bad, this MIGHT be bad.
I used to be full of hope, i used to rely on the what-ifs and maybes and possibly-s, I believed and believed but now i know i was just consoling myself. Sometimes, when fate plays an awful trick on you, you can't accept it until its truth smacks you in the face, knocking you flat.
Yesterday i collected my new progressive lenses. When testing the optician had already told me "This is as good as it can get". I told myself that i was merely tired, that it was a new lense and that once my new specs was made, i'd be enjoying 6/6 sight again. Our minds always hope for the best, that is the beauty of imagination - it gives you hope and possibilities to keep you going for that day, that week, that year, till you find out its all a lie. Yesterday i looked around the opticians shop, i looked at the words on a cardboard piece, on the stall opposite the road, at the assistants face, perfect. Yet once i closed my left eye, the world crumbled as the clarity simply faded to oblivion, replaced with a perpetual fuzziness that makes the world seem surreal.
Many thoughts went through my head yesterday, and even today. My life as i knew it had finally been tipped past the edge. Taking that i should not have developed cataracts till mid 50s, I have ruined 4 decades of my life. I will spend 4 decades with a eye that is uncorrected, with my 400degree astigmatism, with my new, left master eye- when i'm a right hander.
When the assistant asked me to compare my vision with what i used to have, i was stunned. I could not remember clearly the days of having two eyes to look with, of the clear 3D representation of the world so many of us - or more appropriately, you - enjoy. I guess the saying that you don't know what you have till its gone is true. When i had vision i never really appreciated the beauty of it and now that its gone, i can never ever experience it again. Makes you think about how human nature seems to lead to us getting hurt, how we always neglect whats most important, just cause we take it for granted. Or how we can take risks just because it shows our courage (human pride), or feeds our greed (greed) etc etc. Think the seven cardinal sins.
Hey you, don't you give up, its not too late, theres still a chance for us...
I'd really like to believe that one day, with medical or genetic or some other technology, my eye can be saved. The gift of our youth - hope - always shines with a glaring brightness, blocking out rationaliy and facts to create choices. Yet as strong a healer an driving force hope is, it is also the delusion of youth, since the worlds grim certainties haven't taken its toll on us, forcing our eyes away from the light of dreams into the cold dark box of reality.
Yet i believe in the innumerability and infinite nature of possibilities, of the multiverse and quanta theory. Anything is possible. Impossible is nothing.
I may truly let that sink in and be a person waiting for the light, or i may never do so, resigning myself to a life wasted by a mistake of mere centimetres that fateful day. Between delusion and despair, the imaginative me chooses the former, if only i lie well enough.
Hope is the delusion of the young, Despair is the delusion of the old.
posted by slipperdan at 8:19 PM
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